Psicologia - Frase da semana, 10JUL16: AMAR É COMO TIRAR A CARTA DE CONDUÇÃO
«If monkeys have taught us anything, it’s
that you’ve got to learn how to love before you learn how to live.» (Harry Harlow, This Week, March 3, 1961)
(Se os macacos nos ensinam alguma coisa, é que temos de aprender a amar antes de aprendermos a viver)
«A vida é como andar de bicicleta - explicou um dia Einstein ao filho -,
para manteres o equilíbrio tens de continuar a pedalar.» Eu direi:
«Amar é como aprender a conduzir, se depois de tirares a carta de condução, não continuares a praticar, vais acabar por esquecer.» Mais, acabamos por ter medo da simples ideia de voltar a pegar num carro!
Dramaticamente, a história pessoal de Harry Harlow será exemplo agudo da desaprendizagem do amor - pelos outros e por si mesmo; absurdamente, depois dos conhecimentos tão preciosos que a sua vida de investigador nos trouxe a todos! Que terá corrido mal?... A falta de equilíbrio? O excesso de velocidade num condutor esquecido dos gestos básicos?...
«The nature of love is about paying attention to the people who matter, about still giving when you are too tired to give. Be a mother who listens, a father who cuddles, a friend who calls back, a helping neighbor, a loving child.» (1)
(A natureza do amor tem a ver com dar atenção às pessoas que verdadeiramente importam; tem a ver com continuar a dar mesmo quando estamos demasiadamente cansados de dar. Ser a mãe que escuta os filhos, ser o pai que pega nos filhos ao colo e lhes dá mimos, ser o amigo que volta a ligar, ser o vizinho colaborador, ser uma criança carinhosa)
Harlow, ainda a propósito do amor, e de tudo o que dizemos sobre o tema, deixa-nos um aviso, numa carta esctrita a um amigo:
«Perhaps one should always be modest when talking about love.» (Talvez tenhamos de ser sempre modestos quando falamos de amor)
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(1) "The nature of love is about paying attention to the people who matter, about still giving when you are too tired to give. Be a mother who listens, a father who cuddles, a friend who calls back, a helping neighbor, a loving child. That emphasis on love in our everyday lives may be the best of that quiet revolution in psychology, the one that changed the way we think about love and relationship almost without our noticing that had happened. We take for granted now that parents should hug their children, that relationships are worth the time, that taking care of each other is part of the good life. It is such a good foundation that it’s almost astonishing to consider how recent it is. For that foundation under our feet we owe a debt to Harry Harlow and to all the scientists who believed and worked toward a psychology of the heart. At the end, in Harry’s handiwork, there’s nothing sentimental about love, no sunlit clouds and glory notes—it’s a substantial, earthbound connection, grounded in effort, kindness, and decency. Learning to love, Harry liked to say, is really about learning to live. Perhaps everyday affection seems a small facet of love. Perhaps, though, it is the modest, steady responses that see us through day after day, that stretch into a life of close and loving relationships. Or, as Harry Harlow wrote to a friend,
“Perhaps one should always be modest when talking about love.”"
Deborah Blum, 2002, 2011. Love at Goon Park: Harry Harlow and the Science of Affection, Perseus Publishing,
